Change

Change is something I think most of are uncomfortable with to some degree. Sometimes change can be a good thing for us, other times it can be painful, sad, or hurtful. Everything in our lives has the ability and potential to change. Relationships, jobs, health, desires, dreams or tangible things in our life such as our homes and possessions, Sometimes maybe it's the opposite problem, we want things to change and they wont. Regardless of the circumstances, most of these things we have no control over. There is one thing that is always in our power to change though, and that's our attitude or perspective about it. Does this feel like a high school graduation pep-talk yet? Bear with me...I hope to impart maybe some words of wisdom here if you'll let me. There have been a few things in my life recently that I have felt absolutely powerless to do anything about. A couple things I want to change, and a few things I wish hadn't changed. The worst thing about a type A personality is that you feel like you ought to have power over your life. I'm used to controlling the situation. Having my life planned out and sticking to the plan. So when it doesn't I tend to be obsessive about it. I feel like I can think of nothing else. I was realizing a few things were absolutely controlling my thoughts. I would think about them every day for several hours, without exaggeration. I tried the whole pray every time you think about it and giving it to God...you know the drill, but nothing seemed to be changing. Until, that is I realized that I hadn't actually surrendered. Let me explain. Below are the three things God has been teaching me through the process. 1. Surrender the situation to God for Him to Control: This one seems like such a no brainer, right? The thing that is difficult is to actually have a soul response. You can say you've surrendered till the cows come home but somehow you have let your spirit be in agreement with your words. I think I told God that I surrendered to him at least a dozen times until I realized that my spirit hadn't moved. Surrender can be frightening, but you have to look upon God's faithfulness in the past to give you the faith to surrender in the present. I realized how ludicrous it was for me to not surrender to my faithful God who has always gotten me through every season in my past. There isn't anything in my life I can look back and say, "Well God, if you would have just let me do x,y,z I think it would have turned out a whole lot better!" No, in everything I can say with confidence he is working for my good. The other thing I realized was that to not surrender gained me nothing but pain, sadness and dissatisfaction. There was no amount of thinking, processing or struggling I could do to make my situation change. To not surrender only kept me in that place. To surrender moved my focus to a higher playing field, one in which God is able to grant peace. God is capable of taking our struggles. Paul writes in Philippians 4:6-7,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Some days I just have to quote that verse to myself over and over. When God grants us that peace that guards are hearts and minds, that is what gives us the ability to "move on" as the people might say. To not obsess, even though nothing has changed. To be content with right where God has placed us. Needless to say, with many tears, and with a bit of fearfulness I did surrender. What a difference real surrender makes! 2. Surrender to whatever character building or refining He is doing in you: God brought this verse to me the other day. Hebrews 12:7-11,

"Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined—and everyone undergoes discipline—then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

I was overcome with thankfulness that God never leaves us where we are. I"m so thankful that he decided not to leave 10 year old Ashley how she was...or 15, or 20 and now 24 year old Ashley. Sometimes I don't think we would recognize the need to be refined though if not for hardship to point it out to us. Yet in his love, he calls us out of our destructive or damaging natures or thought processes to "share in His holiness." Wow, if that isn't a motivation to embrace hardship, I don't know what is. He's always moving us towards a closer likeness and intimacy with him. Like gold refined in the fire...endure hardship as discipline. 3. Don't let it steal your joy: During one of my seasons of struggling my mom brought a song to my attention that I have sang/prayed over my life many times. It's called "Good to Me" by Audrey Assad (you can listen to it below). The lyrics are as follows:

I put all my hope in the truth of Your promise

And I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness

When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name

And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

I lift up my eyes to the hills where my help is found

Your voice fills the night – raise my head up to hear the sound

Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God

And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

Your goodness and mercy shall follow me

All my life

I will trust in Your promise

The line that really stuck with me though was "the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy." It's taken from Song of Songs 2:15,

"Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes, that ruin the vineyards–for our vineyard is in bloom.”

In our lives, the foxes can be anything. Anything that threatens to take our eyes of Jesus. The world is full of opportunities for hardship, pain, disappointments. But they can't be our focus. God has called us up out of that, to focus on him where he will give us peace. Does that mean the situation goes away? No, but he allows us to experience joy in him in the midst of it. Unearthly joy that will make everyone else wonders how you can remain joyful despite circumstances that should rock you. James 1:2-4 says,

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

In conclusion, it starts with our spirits surrender to God to allow him to have his way, including letting him make us mature and complete, that we will lack nothing. If we can come to that place of thankfulness for the process of refining we can focus on him, not the situation to have joy in the midst of it. I hope I articulated myself well enough. Maybe this can help you in the situation you are currently in, or for the future. Either way, I just wanted to share what I felt God was working in me, and I pray you'll let him work in you too. I can say, having come out the other side with a changed and renewed spirit, that it is worth it. None of my circumstances have changed, but my attitude has, and with joy I close, praying you can have this joy too.