My Infertility, Endometriosis, and Graduate School Plans
We Wanted a Baby:
I've debated about writing this for sometime...indeed I think I've typed it out in my head on numerous occasions, however, I just wasn't certain I wanted everyone to know about it. But now I've had a pretty major surgery, and I know there are a lot of people who love me, so I almost feel obligated to update them. Perhaps maybe this will speak to someone else, too. It's been almost 17 months since Bryce and I decided to try and start a family. SEVENTEEN long months. This has definitely been one of the most trying times in my life. Never have I felt so out of control of something, never have I had to trust and rely on God so much, and never have I felt him so present speaking his perfect peace over me. Not always though, sometimes it was just plain painful, emotional, and disappointing. Yes, there have been tears. And no, I'm not over it yet. Let me just start out by giving you some tips on what not to say to someone that is trying to conceive. I know they are well meaning individuals who said them, but I'll just tell you so that you are informed in case you ever find yourself trying to comfort someone in this situation. 1) "Well at least your young still!" 2) "Maybe you don't have hot enough sex" - ummm...I'm not even going to go there 3) "You're probably not getting pregnant because you're trying to hard." - oh please, tell me how to try less.... 4) "Why do you think you want a baby so bad" - why do we want anything! 5) "You just need to not think about it." - .....again, how? As you can see, I have had some very valuable and helpful conversations with people throughout the last 17 months. In addition I work at an OB/GYN office, have celebrated 9 baby showers in the past year of very close friends and family members. Pregnancy and babies are everywhere and my desire for a baby of my own isn't forgotten for a single day. (See previous post in Episode 3 about change and surrender and how God has been helping me work through this season of infertility).
The Testing:
After we hit the 12 month mark of trying we did do all the standard testing and everything came back "A ok!" which was both relieving and frustrating. The next step would be to work with reproductive endocrinology, also known as IVF. Given that I had no explained reasons for my infertility, IVF would seem like the appropriate next steps. One co-worker encouraged me to at least have a consult. I didn't feel that I was mentally ready for this extreme of an intervention, mainly due to the fact I wasn't sure how I even felt about IVF on a moral level (that conversation for another time). I did, however, come across one of the most amazing resources a few months ago. It's called Natural Procreative Technology (or NaPro). It's through the Catholic church as an alternative to IVF and IUI (intrauterine insemination). They are 100% prolife, and believe that a baby should be conceived through the loving act of a husband and wife without medical intervention during that moment. They do prescribe medications or recommend surgery if deemed necessary though. Their motto essentially is that infertility is not a diagnosis but a symptom of something, and their goal is to figure out what that something is. They also have as good of statistics for achieving pregnancy in women with infertility as IVF does. I know, I know you're SO curious now about this AMAZING program. Here is the link to satisfy your curiosity. Needless to say, there is a doctor that practices in Massachusetts (none in Idaho though!). I saw him a few months ago and he thought that it was very likely I had endometriosis and that he wanted to do a detailed analysis of my cycle hormones and that if everything checked out and I still wasn't pregnant in 6 months then he would recommend surgery for the endometriosis. I'll explain endometriosis to you in just a second. Fast forward a bit, there is a surgeon within Mount Auburn, the hospital I work for, who specializes in endometriosis and is very well known for his work and technique in surgery. I decided that since surgery for endo is quite unique and to find a doctor that does it well is a hard to come by (again...none in Idaho) I would not wait the 6 months and see if he could do my surgery before I left. I quickly found out that he was booking out until July, which we would be in Idaho by then, but decided to just shoot him a quick email since I work with a doctor that frequently assists him in surgery (yeah I was begging for favors). Miraculously, he had a cancellation for the perfect time for me.
Surgery:
While I was getting that all arranged I finished my cycle analysis with NaPro, and everything seemed to check out, so endo was seeming more and more likely. April 20th rolled around and I had my laparoscopic diagnosis and excision of endometriosis. He found a lot of endo, the surgery took nearly 6 hours and I even had the bonus of having my appendix removed! He took tons of pictures from inside, at my request. I weirdly loved getting to see my insides, and it's no surprise I wasn't getting pregnant. Both ovaries where displaced from the endo, and my left ovary had cysts on it too from the endo. Bryce said it wouldn't be tasteful to post the pictures...so you guys don't get to see it...sorry.
Was supposed to be a day surgery, but ended up staying the night. This was when we got to the floor for the night. I can't help by smile for pictures, even if I am in pain.
Next morning, getting ready to go home - feeling much better
I'm now day 5 post op and I went to work for a half day, so recovery is happening slowly but surely. I severely underestimated my recovery, but Bryce has been THE BEST husband, helper, nurse, house keeper, and cook for me. There isn't a guarantee that this will result in us getting pregnant, but it does increase our chances, and to that hope I'm holding on to right now.
Going Back to School:
Going back a few steps (and I promise I'll tell you all about the specifics of endometriosis), after having my encounter with the NaPro physician and nurses I had this very strong desire/urging/purpose that I knew that was what I was supposed to pursue. For the past year I've been really seeking God asking him what his plan was for me. I always dreamed of working in Labor and Delivery, but that seemed almost empty. What's the point of just another job that makes money. Sure it would be fun but I wanted something that really mattered. Enter Napro. I feel that as a person who believes in the sanctity of life beginning at conception, if we're not to be advocates of IVF, then we need to offer something else that is an actual viable option. Not to mention IVF is excruciatingly invasive and painful, and also doesn't always work! Also, if a women conceives her first child with IVF, and then they want to get pregnant again, they still haven't solved anything so back to IVF it is. Having personally gone, and going through the struggles of infertility I feel strongly in assisting others, even if just to emotionally support them from a point of personal experience. As a certified nurse midwife, I can become trained as a NaPro medical consultant and start a practice in Idaho, so guess what? I'm going back to school! I have a applied to a few online programs and am currently waiting to hear back from them. And to post about this online without knowing If I'm accepted to one of them scares me, because I know if I don't get accepted I'll totally feel like a failure. But Bryce and I have prayed that if this isn't the right direction that God would please close those doors. So either way it will be an answer. More info on that soon!
Endometriosis:
Put simply, it's when the lining of the inside of your uterus (endometrium) grows outside your uterus. Potentially growing on your bladder, bowel, outside of your uterus, and anywhere else in your pelvic cavity. The well accepted theory in 1927 was that it was caused by women who when they had their period the menstrual blood would flow up through the fallopian tubes and since the blood contained endometrial cells it would plant it self there and grow. This theory is pretty much the only explanation you'll find on google these days. However, in 2012 they discovered that in female fetus's autopsies that it was present even then. It is now suggested that endometriosis is caused by dislocation of endometrial tissue outside the uterine cavity during the development of the organs at 6 weeks gestation. So every amount of endometriosis I had was determined nearly 25 years ago! It can get worse though. Because it's the same cells that are in the lining of the uterus it thickens each month and then during the period sheds, but the blood just sits in the pelvis before it gets absorbed in the body and can cause very intense cramps and heavy periods. It can cause scar tissue from the monthly shedding, and during the thickening can cause the various pelvic organs/walls to stick together or create cysts. I had a lot around my appendix, thus why they removed it. Both my ovaries where more or less stuck to the side walls, so functionally would be difficult for the egg to make it to the fallopian tubes. It can only be diagnosed officially though by going in with the laparoscopic camera and seeing the tissue inside the pelvis, so many women go through their life with it undiagnosed.
So that's endometriosis in a nut shell!
In conclusion:
This has been a crazy 17 months. A true rollercoaster of emotions, but God is so faithful! I feel so excited, and certain of my future plans that I am confident that God is leading me there. If I hadn't had difficulties conceiving I would have never looked into NaPro! I'm not saying God caused my infertility, or my endometriosis, but I am saying he's faithful and doesn't waste any of our sufferings or hardships if we let him work in us. In the meantime, I would so appreciate your prayers for continued healing! Bryce and I are going on a Europe excursion in 2 weeks and I am really hoping I will be all/mostly healed by then.
I love you all, and if you have questions about infertility, NaPro, endometriosis or anything else don't hesitate to ask!
