Sage Parenting Advice From My 11 Weeks of Experience

I just went to a end of the summer party at a friends, what the? END OF SUMMER? How did that happen! Having a baby happened. This has been such a joyous, busy, jam packed-full-of-changes summer. First, I want to say how much I love being a mommy. There isn’t much sweeter in this world than cradling your newborn baby. I’ve cared for and loved on many a newborn, but being Annalise’s mommy is the best. She’s 11 weeks old now and I thought 11 weeks was long enough to pass on some sage advice on parenting.

1. Finish What You’re Doing

I honestly cannot remember who told me this, or if I read it somewhere or what, but this has been the best piece of advice for me and so I wanted to pass it along. When your baby is crying and you’re in the middle of something like showering, eating, cooking, cleaning, pooping (let’s be real guys) and the baby starts crying, finish it. Babies only have one way of communicating, which is crying, and rarely is the cry urgent. You’ll start to learn what the cries mean, like, “Hey, mom, I’m awake!” or, “Hey, mom, I’m lonely!” or, “Hey, mom, I’M REALLY UPSET!” That last one is the only one I don’t finish whatever I’m doing if I can. It’s the screaming at the top of her lungs. Yes, she’s still physically fine I'm sure, but it just makes me too sad. The other cries, especially when I’m trying to get her down for a nap I don’t rush. I just finish working on what I’m doing and 99% of the time she’s asleep by time I’m done. It’s a good way to make sure you aren’t responding instantaneously to your baby so they learn that it really is ok to cry for a few minutes, and it really is ok to go to sleep in their bed by themselves. My mom and sister hate it when she cries even for a minute (they are always begging me to get her), but I know this has been part of our success in getting her to sleep so well.

2. Bed First - Cuddles Second

At the beginning we really wanted to make sure that she would be used to sleeping in her bed. I’ll be starting clinicals in the fall and will have an extremely full load and being sleep deprived from a baby waking up every few hours just wouldn’t do. Even at the beginning we tried to get her to take the majority of her naps in her bed. This was actually really hard because they are so cute and cuddly and I wanted to just cuddle her every second, but days where she was cuddled more she slept worse at night, or really had a hard time getting to sleep. It was pretty predictable there for the first few weeks if we were visiting family and she didn’t take any naps in bed that day, we knew we’d have a rough night. Now though, we can do about anything and napping in bed, arms, or a carseat, she is really good at going to sleep at night by herself and we don’t have much trouble. This gives me comfort because we can go to parties or socialize and I know I’m not going to regret it later.

3. Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep

This book was recommended to us and I highly recommend it as well! The majority of Baby Wise babies sleep through the night by 6 weeks and I’m happy to say we’re one of those! Though, it also depends on how you count “sleeping through the night.” Waking up at 4-5 AM is still kind of rough. She’s not perfectly consistent on her schedule, but hey, she’s 11 weeks, so I’m not surprised. She sleeps anywhere from 5.5 - 9.5 hours at night, averaging about 7.5, which I’m thrilled about and yes, everyone tells me how lucky I am. I’m sure baby #2, whenever it comes, will disprove all my sage advice.

You can buy it on Amazon here.

I bought a used copy for just a few bucks. It has some great philosophies and some fantastic information on what to expect in the first few months. Even though I have been around babies a lot and am a midwifery student, I found it very helpful and made me feel much more prepared for her to come.

4. Expect to be Stopped Everywhere You Go

Honestly, I could do without this one in a way. I wish I had a sign on my baby “Yes, she’s cute. She’s ___ weeks old. Yes, the bow is cute. Yes, I know time goes by too fast. Yes, I’ll enjoy her.”

Advice I wish I could tell other people:

Do you realize how short of time I have to manage an outing in between feedings and usually try to accomplish a couple stops in that short gap, I appreciate you telling me that she’s cute but please don’t engage me in a conversation about your kids or grandkids, random stranger, or ask to see her when I have her in my wrap

- Sincerely, a busy, tired mom of a cute baby.

I guess all that to say, it’s ok to somewhat be rude to strangers and say, “thanks!” but then just keep going on your way.

5. Can We Stop the Mom Judging - We’re All Just Doing Our Best

This is less person experience and more things I have seen, especially interacting with a lot of pregnant moms with school and work. Being a mom is stressful enough. Their is a constant questioning of, “Am I doing this right?” Nothing quite prepares you like on the job training. Whether you breastfeed from your breast or pump and feed, or formula feed doesn’t matter. A fed baby is the best baby. Whether you let your baby sleep with you in your bed or lie on the couch with them at night or put them down, a rested baby is the best baby. Whether you had a medicated birth or unmedicated birth or a c-section, a healthy delivered baby is the best baby. There is too much to worry about while child-rearing to have people disapproving of our circumstances or decisions as parents (unless they are actually harmful!). Let’s extend grace and keep reminding mom’s they are doing a great job.

*Note* Please remind me I’m doing a good job still when I’m in over my head with school and clinicals this next year.

6. Breastfeeding is Harder Than You Think

I want to say first that I am so very grateful I am able to breastfeed, but please, it’s really not as glamorous as it seems. Especially for you moms, who for whatever reason weren’t able to, you can learn to be grateful for what circumstance you're in. The first few weeks hurt no matter what, even if you have a perfect latch. Plugged ducts are the worst! Being the sole human responsible for feeding your child is stressful and tiring. Sometimes I’m jealous of the fact other dads can feed their babies. Thrush is very painful, and honestly kind of hard to know if you have it (thanks google for helping me diagnose myself even though I’m a midwifery student and should know better). Having giant boobs and not being able to wear your old clothes is depressing. Trying to figure out whether your baby is getting enough because you have no idea how much milk they get when they are breastfeeding is so stressful (On this note, as long as your baby is having consistent wet and poopy diapers and is content after feedings is a great sign they are getting enough!). Don’t get me wrong, I still love every moment. Nursing is about the only time this summer I feel like I’ve been able to just sit without an agenda. I can’t rush her along like I rush myself along in the rest of my life. It is so sweet, but I just don’t want people getting the wrong ideas, it’s also a sacrifice in a lot of ways (and one that I’m happy to make).

7. Obsess and Enjoy

My biggest fear is time going by too quickly. It already has! 11 weeks, where did it go?! Bryce and I spend countless hours just sitting and staring at her and doing the goofiest things just to hear her coo or see her smile. She’s our joy (Annalise Joy to be precise!)! I also am constantly reminded by everyone just how fast it goes. My mom reminds me all the time how it was just yesterday she was holding me. I don’t want to miss a single moment, and while I cherish every moment and every new accomplishment I also grieve a little at each of them because it means my baby is growing up.

What advice do you have for me? I’d love to hear it!

**BONUS - Here are some pictures from the past month (I've not be great about taking pictures)

First time at the park wearing her cute bonnet!!

I didn't actually know it was going to post this as an animation, but I thought it was cute so I left it. Cousin Weston with Annalise and Grandma and Grandpa Jensen

Stopping to visit Auntie Ivy and Cousin Weston on our way to Boise with Grandma and Grandpa Jensen

Our very first camping trip!

Meeting Uncle Jeffie!

She liked her Uncle Wade (and he liked her)

Sweet Great Grandma Margie! I'm so glad we were able to make it all the way to Circle to introduce Annalise to Bryce's family.

The smoke wasn't very pleasant but it makes some neat sunsets.

Great Grandpa Carter was pretty obsessed with this sweet girl

We stopped at an old Ghost Town, Virginia City, on our way home from Montana. It's been one of my favorite childhood memories and I was so happy to share it with Bryce.